WHAT NOW — SO FAR
What seemed like the longest year ever has finally come to an end, and we are now faced with a question that can be as scary as exciting at the same time. What now? Attempting to answer this question on a universal level would most probably result in an inaccurate and perhaps frustrating analysis, but on an individual perspective, I would like to make the effort to reflect on it, and try to find my answer. Or make an answer myself.
Reality is, I’m writing these words after 3 days of feeling unproductive, bored, hopeless, irritated, annoyed, and sad. However, I now want to pick these emotions up, pack, and store them away for a while, as I attempt to focus my energies towards a more hopeful and proactive attitude.
Perhaps, those discouraging feelings arouse from some reflections I lately indulged in, whilst tying up the loose ends of 2020. I felt like my dreams and aspirations were, at least partly, suddendly swept away from right under my feet. A year ago, I had my foreseeable future kind of sorted, and more or less had a plan about what to do with my life. I would have gained professional experience over the summer — possibly in a gallery or a museum. I would have contributed to curating a film festival in London. I would have celebrated with my course mates at our graduation ceremony. I would have moved from my student halls to Central London. I would have handed-in CVs for a variety of positions, got rejected, drunk to that, and eventually, I would have got my first job in my dream city. Well, guess what? None of the above happened. Instead, I didn’t get a summer job, I curated an online festival and not physical one, I received a digital certificate and had no celebrations at all, and yes I moved from my student accommodation, but back to my family home in Italy.
Some could argue that my situation is not bad after all, and I am just indulging in a useless ranting exercise. And frankly, I could agree with that. Others could point out that I have no serious issues to deal with — considering what’s happening elsewhere. Once again, this objection could be applicable to this piece of writing. So why am I writing this in the first place if I believe I’m just pointelessly complaining?
Well, I am aware that these matters might sound trivial and petty to others, but nevertheless, they did affect me, and my genuine hope is that expressing my frustrated feelings could make my personal experience relatable to some and make them feel less lonely. Because in the end — exceptions aside, life is about trying (and often failing) to figure out the answers to many questions.
And at the moment, my question and since you’re here, maybe yours too, is WHAT the hell am I supposed to do NOW?
If you’ve come so far and have been reading these lines thinking I found a definitive answer, you can stop here, because no — sorry to disappoint, I do not have an easy answer to that.
However, simply having a question is a good starting point, as you can try out different ways of answering it, embark in different paths, and experiment towards new, unexpected directions.
My first attempt in answering this question was — rather than getting overwhelmed and looking towards the future at all costs— to look back at what I have instead managed to accomplish SO FAR. I looked into past pictures and videos, gratefully embracing the memories they carried with them, although — as happy as they were — more often than not got me into a nostalgic loop. I had a break from beating myself up and humbly recognised my successes in the past year. I left Italy and attended an MA course abroad, I lived on my own — and coped with a lockdown without going out of my mind. Went back home and spent time with family and friends after months without seeing them. I graduated, followed an online course, looked for jobs, learnt from rejections, and, at least so far, persevered. At this point, you probably don’t really care about what I did or not, so let’s move to conclusions.
Eventually, digging into past experiences, I ended up looking back at past projects, and started thinking WHAT were my aspirations and motivations back THEN. So I came up with a “plan” to cure some boredom and to think about what — other than exams and deadlines — was driving me and my creativity back then. So WHAT NOW? You may ask. Well now, I will bring those old projects back alive, and create new ones to publish on this platform— which had been neglected for way too long. I will adventure myself on a visual and editorial journey, and see where it will take me.
This article was inspired by the below post by @tahminaxbegum, firstly found by my dear friend Carmel.
Moreover, it was inspired by Start where you are, chapter 1 from Designing Your Life (2016) by Burnett and Evans, which made me feel encouraged to “try stuff”.
